On Comparison

Today I woke up thinking about comparison. Because it is impossible to navigate through Instagram without comparing yourself at some level. Especially when you are placing yourself out there as a brand, as I am trying to. My idea when I decided to have a presence in that particular social media was to voice my perspective regarding my life as a post-menopausal woman who went through hell and came back not only to tell her story but also to live in style. And loving every moment of it. But in a realistic, down to earth way, not in an Instagram way.

Well, first my moment at this moment is far from being lovable. Lots of dark clouds around, uncertainty, sadness, even some depression… Which is ok, it is part of living. And at least I am glad to be able to feel it again, even the bad things, cause for a long time I was simply numb. To everything. But still, not a shiny moment to be out there.

Second: I found a lot of stylish, interesting women around my age and older doing their thing out there. And rocking it. It is really fun, inspiring to look up to them. They got their place already and I think women around my age is pretty well represented. Which makes me think that I am late and kind of irrelevant right now. That is what comparison is all about, right?

Third: as I said above, my idea was to bring some down-to-earth kind of style/lifestyle. But the feeling I get on Instagram is that people over there want an Instagram reality not a real-deal one, with its ups and downs, its beautiful and ugly sides. People want high-production, shine happy, fun people all the time. And only that. For me this a bit tiring, draining even because nobody is like that all the time. Life is not just black or white, it is a mixture of them both and every color in between. And the energy to fake it is touchable out there. Which makes the whole experience extremely exhausting for someone empathic as I am. And I am not even gonna talk about how eventful their lives are: traveling every where, going to places all the time… I get tired just by looking at their busy routine… Oh, my!

Also, it is impossible not to look up to other feeds and compare to yours. And for a person like me, with a very lively sense of aesthetics, my feed looks terribly underwhelming. Pretty much my mood lately at some level. Which makes me want to up my game. But then I will lose my main inspiration to be there.

Fourth: man, how hard it is to grow organically out there. And here as well, for that matter. Some times it can really get into you. It is disappointing. And lonely. And it makes you want to give up because you think you are going nowhere and everything you are doing is pure crap, anyways. The others are the ones who are mastering it, so you don’t belong there. Or here.

And yes, I do know I do. Blogging at least is my place to be. I love it. And I know I used to be damn good at it. Just looking forward to find my voice and speak the hack of me. Because after all, everybody has its place. We just have to find it where it is. And let it shine.

And how about you? How are you dealing with comparison?

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