It Is Okay Not To Be Okay

Because sometimes, that is how we are all gonna feel. Regardless what the feeds we follow on Social Media are telling us. Nobody is happy and enjoying life all the frakking time. Some times we are simply not OK. And it is OK to feel that way.

Image by Foundry Co from Pixabay.

Some times we are not OK for something simple and minor like a bad hair day, but other times we are not OK for something deeper and sadder like grieving or losing a job… Other times are for some thing in between. It really doesn’t matter the reason or how deep or shallow it is.

What truly matters is to mantra this: It is OK not to be OK. Trust me. We are allow to it. After all we are humans not superheroes. And we don’t even have to hide it from the world as if it is something that only happens to us or something we should feel ashamed for it. Cause we know, it doesn’t and there is nothing to be ashamed of. Right? Right?

Damn right!

Every now and then and all over again, I feel that way too. I have ups and downs, highs and lows and some times it can be a huge fall. That kind that keeps in the low place for a while. I feel like a mess inside out, outside in. Oh, how I crave to go back to my OK place… And usually there is nothing that I can do to reset my mood that quick. By magic? Never works. Hehehe All I can humanly do is to take some time out there, in there, let it be, embrace it, have my back, keep on breathing and just wait for the next day….

Or days… Cause it will go away. And I know it. Or at least will become bearable soon. And when it does I hope I got the message this time: learn from it and learn to appreciate, value, treasure and enjoy even more my OK moments. Like never before. And let things flow knowing that another not OK moment will come and it is totally OK. Cause I will be OK. Eventually. Again.

And yes, sometimes not being OK will require an extra help. From someone, a friend, a psychologist, a psychiatric, a holistic therapist… and that is OK too. Remember? We are not superheroes, we are just humans with all sort of moments. With ups and downs, highs and lows. Reach for help. We are not here to deal with everything, all the time, by ourselves. Some times, we will need assistance. From others. And it is OK too. This will not make any less of anyone. Au contraire. It requires a lot of bravery to reach out for that help when we need.

Plus, even Batman needs Robin, every now and then…

47, No Children And Totally OK With That

The very first time I was called selfish for not wanting to have kids was last year, in a first date with a dude I had just met. Up to that moment, through my 47 years nobody have ever brought that up. Of course, I am and was totally aware of how women who don’t want to have kids or even the ones who want kids but for some reason haven’t had kids yet are treated and perceived, (I hear you, Jennifer Anniston), but it never had hit a nerve on me before. But when someone points that out towards you, it suddenly does. And for the first time I felt a little uncomfortable with that choice. And yes, it is a choice, my choice.

Thank Goddess that bad feeling and guilty did not last that long. All I had to do was to recheck all my reasons for not wanting to have kids of my own. And feel good, confident about it. And they are my reasons. They don’t have to make sense to anyone else but me. And quite honestly, I don’t feel that I have to justify myself to anyone about it. Especially to someone who already have a judgement on that. I didn’t give that dude any of my reasons as I am not stating them here. And I am not because as I said this is something that should only interest me. To decide that.

Perhaps if I had found a man who had inspired me to want kids, that perfect father figure that you cannot resist but have kids with, maybe I could have changed my mind. Maybe… Or maybe not. I will never know. All I know is that right now, at this moment I am perfectly OK with my choice. No regrets.

And yes, I think the issue of having kids should be brought up on a date. It is important to know upfront if we are both on the same page on that. It is a crucial issue in a relationship. But placing a judgement on it based on a person’s own prejudice, that is what is not OK. At all.

And guess what else? If that decision was an act of selfishness would that make my decision less respectable? Hell, no. This was my decision about my life. Only I should be entitled to that. Right? And I could give a thousand reasons why that even being a decision based on selfishness, at the end, it would have been anything but selfish. Just look the world around. Not that hard to get it. But still, even if the world was this perfect place, I should be able to choose that path. Me and anyone else.

And we all should be OK with that. Not because it was not a selfish decision but because it was our own decision. And this should count for every thing else. Our lives, our decisions. Full stop. That should be good enough to us and to anyone else.

Be Kind. Always.

Image by reneebigelow from Pixabay.

This morning when I opened up my Twitter to check the news (and the verbal fightings du jour) the first thing I saw was a link to this post on Medium: It’s not enough to be right. You also have to be kind. (Please, read it. It is worthy.) The text represents me so much that I wish I had written it from beginning to end. It is perfect and totally in sync with how I see the way things are lately, especially but not only, in politics. Here in Brazil, in the USA and in the world. People are so eager to convert other people into their own ideas and beliefs, especially in this new platform called social media that their usual chosen converter element is attacking, shaming people into it.

However, it is not what end up happening. It is like fighting fire with more flames. All you generate is more heat, friction, polarization. Because calling them names (extremist, lunatic, fascist, marxist, socialist, capitalist, idiot, stupid, heartless and so on and on), making them feel bad or excluded from your bubble club are not helping any kind of conversion. This might resonate highly well with people that think and behave alike yourself but it is never gonna convert the ones who don’t.

Au contraire.

It is like as much as you punch with all the hate you’ve got, they hold on stronger into their own beliefs, ideas. You might have a point, be totally right about it but yet, you are NOT gonna help them see your truth by force or shame. It never helps.

Instead try setting your mind like this:

Hate the attitude, thoughts, beliefs, not the person.

This makes you focus on the attitude, thought, belief instead of the person. It will help you to be more objective, to focus in dealing with the issue instead of attacking, shaming the person. Because that is what you should attack if you want to convince anyone about anything.

And then, with this attitude, you may be able to address whatever with kindness. Because after all, it is through kindness that you can reach someone’s heart. And there is no better ally than a person’s heart to change their mind.

On Standing Up For Yourself

The other day I posted a quote here saying “When you stand up for yourself, you stand up for all women.” by Maya Angelou. At the same day on the internet I read someone saying that was not easy for people who don’t like confrontation to stand up for themselves. And I totally understand that, but…

To me, standing up is not only about confrontation or defending loudly and strongly what you believe in; standing up for yourself also means having your back, being your best supporter, regardless, being truthful to your beliefs and living accordingly. And it is possible to do it all with no confrontation, with no raised voice, indeed. Usually those standings are the most powerful ones.

How can you do it?

Showing up for yourself. And if you don’t know what it means, ask yourself that next time you meditate. Listen to your deepself.

Am I Still Waiting For My Prince Charming To Rescue Me?

When I was a teenager and still as an early adult I had this dream anytime things got a little hopeless for me: that a kind, nice, smart, well educated Prince Charming will come in my rescue and would free me from all the pain and would change my life for good. Everything would be Okay by magic. In my delusional times peak I would even think he was coming on a lovely white horse. True.

Don’t need to say that this never happened. And (I guess) never will. And it is Okay. Because if there is one thing that I have learned in those 47 years of life is that I am great at and enough to save myself. From whatever bad situation I am in. I don’t need anyone to do that for me. And I have learned it because anytime I thought I needed a savior, I didn’t get one and had to find my way out of it on my own. Crawling, going round, stumbling, falling and standing up, jumping, walking through… regardless, every single time I made it through. Barely, in pieces but I made it through.

Of course that sometimes I needed some help. But hey, I have learned that there is nothing wrong to reach out to the right person or persons and ask for it, so…

All I know is that right now, I am here very grateful for this important lesson life has thought me by denying my Prince Charming fantasy. It made me realize how strong and determined I can be. That I don’t need a Prince Charming; all I needed was me, having my back. And yes, sometimes a major no from the Universe is a needed yes to something else. Sometimes, a vital lesson.

I must confess that every now and then when things get unbearable the little girl in me rescue that Prince Charming fantasy. But deep inside, now I know that although this could be great to happen, I sure don’t need it. I might want it, but don’t need it at all. And it is sooo good and comforting to know that…