Because sometimes, you need one more day to reboot the bad vibe. It happens.
Recently I had one of those heavy, bad days where everything seems to be bad, sad or hopelessly that there is not enough Meditation, Palo Santo or coarsed salt to sage it away. One bad news after another, one cruel slap after another. And I just kept reminding myself that tomorrow the vibe would be different, so I should hang it on there, keep breathing that it all shall pass. And that is how I went through that day: looking forward for a renewed tomorrow. And then tomorrow came and guess what? Although the heavy vibe was not around, in my early morning walk I sprained my ankle. Damn.
Sometimes the bad vibe ripple can still resonate for a little while.
Let it be. Don’t fight with it. Just let it be. For a while. Embrace it. Allow it to be. Get to know its reasons, be a friend to it. Listen to it. Welcome it. Comfort it. Get its back. Breathe all the way through. And let it be. Until it goes away on its own. Cause it will. Sooner than later. If you let it be.
As a person with a loud mind, if there is one thing that I appreciate and treasure is silence. A pity that it doesn’t happen quite often. But when I manage to be in complete silence it is when I can hear my deep self. I haven’t heard from my bliss or dream yet (or maybe I have, just don’t believe and embrace it as I should), but I do hear me speaking. Softly, almost as if it was a whisper, a whisper of me, claiming to be. Whoever I am.
I think ever since I can remember I have been this zen driven person. I was always interested in Meditation and other alternative practices like Reiki, Body Talk, Qi-Gong, Affirmations, Visualizations, Inner Child Therapy, Shamanic Soul Retriever, Yoga, Crystals, Florals and so on and on and on… I always thought those practices would help me to find out and heal some soul scars or past lives issues or whatever it was keeping me stuck with no perspectives at all. But although all of that were and still are part of my daily routine, so far, I am still feeling pretty much still. No sudden transformations, no fast enlightenment, no a-ha moment that from then on everything started to flow wonderfully as you tend to believe things work reading books of self-healing or stories from people who overcame their darkest periods. It is almost like a fairy tale with a happily ever after vibe.
Not with me.
Maybe that is why I think I am still stuck although I have been doing things to move on. plus my road has been so bumpy… Nothing feels smooth, nothing seems to flow to its right places like magic. And everything feels pretty much the same which can drives me to the desperation vile very often. I so need a radical, fast change that anything slightly slow is simply not good enough for me. And maybe it is not because I am comparing my journey with the others I read about. Maybe that has been my biggest mistake. Although I must confess that regardless, a radical change to right way in my path would be ideal. And not because I am not patient cause I am, but because I am so exhausted from being here, stuck that even to breathe is hard sometimes. And breathing is my way to go through all of it. My main technique, even better than Meditation.
The only good feeling on this path is the certainty that no matter what, I have got my back. And this is good enough to keep up.
I just allow myself to feel that way. Fully. I embrace my hopelessness. The sadness, the pain from it, the despair from the inability to see a light at the end of the tunnel… All of it. With no need to insert a positive thought to override it. And I make sure I have my back while I am riding this bull. Comforting me, being there for me.
And eventually, gradually the hopeless feeling goes away. Because there is nothing like a day after another or a feeling after another. And because things, feelings, emotions are not permanent. And when we let them, they complete their course on their own. When we resist, avoid them, they find their way to stick around us till we make room for them and the experience they are bringing us. And probably they will stay with us way more time. When they show up in our lives we have a great opportunity to dive in, to explore it, to live it and see what it can add up or subtract from our lives. And let it go whenever it is the time to go. And it will. We just have to let it happen.
The only thing I keep in mind during it is exactly that: its impermanence nature. Because that is the secret to endure the bring it on attitude. Let me tell you one thing: Not so long ago I took vitamin D (that is not actually a vitamin but a hormone) prescribed by a doctor and suddenly after a while my levels sky rocketed. And I had a pretty bad side effect from it: I had a major panic attack. It was more like a horror attack to be honest. I entered this dark vibe where I could not see any positivity, there was no hope left at all. I was totally terrified by anything but especially about my vitamin D levels and all the problems that could bring to my health. Imagine a hypochondriac level advanced. Now multiply by 3 and you will get my inner drama. But, although I could not see a light at the end of this tunnel at least I knew that as soon as my vitamin D levels dropped to their normal self I would be me again, I would restore my hope. All I had to do was keep on breathing, keep on going, one day after another.
And after 3 weeks (in panic hell), that is what happened. But only then my hopelessness estate of mind went away. And finally I could see some light in all that darkness. After this episode I just ratified my M.O. (modus operandi) for dealing with my hopeless moments. And it became much easier, I must confess. And it did because those 3 weeks were pretty hard to deal with. Pretty hard. Even knowing. But I made it through!
And now all I have from those 3 weeks are gratitude. For the lesson, for surviving it, for giving me a much stronger tool to deal with my hard moments. And courage to face the upcoming ones. Because they will certainly come. And they will certainly go.